What Do You Suck At? Burning Question Series

Because that's not in any way a loaded question for someone with severe depressive tendencies and self-talk so negative it could make a demon weep...

Yes, it's true, my first instinct is to answer with -

EVERYTHING

Yes, I know that's not true.

Mostly.

I've been thinking a lot lately about Danielle LaPorte's assertion that accepting our weaknesses allows us to move more fully into our strengths. This has echoed through some of my other recent reading about living with ADHD and in Barbara Sher's Refuse to Choose.

Serendipity, you say? What's that word mean again?
So What Do I Suck At?

Routines and schedules. Which totally explains why the school year can be physically draining for me even without the kids around. Anything that requires me to regularly pay attention to a clock sucks out my life force.

Doing what I'm told to do even when (or especially when?) I'm telling myself what to do. I really think my life would be easier if there weren't so many personalities inside my head vying for control.

Follow through. This is something I've talked about before. More than once.

I'm also terrible at not getting lost, keeping track of details, cleaning, being in large groups, being quiet, and doing pretty much anything if I don't get plenty of down time (or sleep).

Now if I can learn to accept these things, be OK with these things, maybe I can find the energy and courage to focus on developing the things I'm really quite good at.

Something...Anything...

I have so much to write about and nothing at all to say, but I felt the need to post to remind you (or maybe just me) that I am still here. The currents in my life (or maybe just the ones in my head) have been tossing me about lately; I am spending too much energy trying to find a calm spot to anchor and either laughing at myself or berating myself for supposing such a place even exists.

Maybe winter has finally caught me in her grip, although a long afternoon spent at the park in brilliant sunshine yesterday suggests this is not the cause of my discontent. Maybe the upheaval of the move is finally catching up with me. Maybe the magic of the latest drug combination is fading like all the others before it. Maybe this is just another turning inward, a resting point on the journey.

All these years, through all these struggles - it seems like I should understand my own moods better than I do.

I'm a bit behind in The Burning Question series, but I hope no one minds if I go back to add my answer to one that's been spinning in and out of my consciousness for the last two weeks.

What would you like to stop doing?

I want to stop indulging in shadow comforts when what I really need is true comfort. I want to stop fighting the flow - of life, of my moods, of the words that knock about in my head wanting out. I want to stop feeling guilty about giving up the things I no longer love to do. I want to stop putting up with 'good enough' - expect when 'good enough' is 'perfect'.