More Critter Love

We have a pack rat (aka woodrat). Correction - we had a pack rat. He/she/it has not come back after we destroyed the lovely abode you see here. This was in the corner on our house and the fence.

I get the weeds and the lint. And although you can't really see it in this photo, there were also lots of little cholla balls (little pieces of spine enrusted cacti). Makes perfect sense. But where the hell did it get that corn cob?

Also? We have a dog, a pretty large dog. A dog who likes to poop a few feet from this very spot. She, who almost removed my arm once when she spotted a rabbit during a walk, she apparently never noticed this.

In Which I Stomp My Feet And Pout

It's Rodeo time here in wonderful, oh-my-god-is-really-90-in-Feb Tucson. Schools are shut down, which caused momentary panic, but Monkey Man has the time off too. Yeah! I don't have to lock the boys in a closet to keep myself from going insane! Monkey Man actually had to take the time off as his company tries to save money so they won't have to have a layoff, but I'm focusing on the positive. I get help with the kids, and he still has a job. Everybody wins!

We took a walk/bike ride/scooter ride as a family this morning. Family time? Not spent in front of a TV? Crazy. It was so much fun, I was grinning like a fool the entire time. Seems like this is something we should do more often. But in some sort of bizarre, upside-down way, it's often difficult to make ourselves do the things that bring us more joy. I'm working on that.

I've been spending some of my copious amounts of free time reading the archives over at The Happiness Project. Ms. Rubin's ideas about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right really resonate with me. Just like most depressives, I spend a lot of time and energy avoiding feeling bad (which sounds counterintuitive; that's why they call it crazy) and end up never feeling right.

This manifests in my daily life when I avoid doing all those little tasks that would greatly increase my satisfaction with life. Taking the dog for a walk, washing my face before I go to bed, blogging. I won't even start the discussion about exercising and eating better. Because (cue 3 yr old whiny voice), "I'm too tired... I deserve this treat... I DON'T WANT TO!" Yes it's true, being depressed often feels like having a very bad tempered 3 year old in your head all.the.time. And when she and the uber-critical Super Bitch start fighting...well it's really no wonder that getting out of bed just seems impossible some days.

So I created a list of 11 things I'd like to do on a daily basis that will increase my sense of feeling right, and I'm tracking them. I hope that developing these better habits will not only give me more satisfaction but also lead to further development of good habits. Even when I.don't.want.to! Habits like taking a family walk?

Time Is Not On My Side

I am feeling so completely overwhelmed these last few weeks. Nothing new really.

I started this class, Becoming More, over at Big Picture Scrapbooking. The first week has been all about defining my values, yadda, yadda, yadda. It's not like this is a new concept for me; my very first therapist had me read The 10 Natural Laws of Successful Time and Life Management. It's probably unbearably corny, but it actually helped. I bought myself a fancy planner, filled out all the worksheets, and got focused. That year I got re-involved in theater, planned a wedding long distance, and lost 30 pounds. Damn, now that I think about it, maybe I should dig that planner out of storage.

Anyway. Of course I'm realizing that how I'm behaving is not in-line with my values. Because that would make too much sense. If I was happy-warm-and-fuzzy, I probably wouldn't have been drawn to taking this class, now would I? The parenting thing is great. Yes, I need to be "present" more often, but that's a little tweak. The problem is the gaping hole in my life where all my creative pursuits should go.

I want to write, here and in other areas. I want to get some pictures scrapbooked. Oh, oh, oh, and actually, I don't know, edit and order some photos. I'm only 5 months behind. Taking photos would be great too. I also have this stack of craft projects I'd like to try just because I like trying new things. I also have a few canvases that I've been wanting to play with.

On the other hand, I haven't paid the bills (that was supposed to happen last Friday). I seriously need to get some exercise, not only because I'm turning into a cow, but because I feel like crap. And the dog is being seriously neglected. I have doctor's appointments to go to, groceries to buy, cards to send, laundry to wash...sigh. How do I take care of my family and take care of myself?

My Week So Far

This morning I am abdicating my parenting responsibilities to Noggin.

I've survived 5 days alone with the boys, and I think it's gone rather well. Only two more days to go! Here's what I managed to get done this week -

• got everyone (me included) dressed, fed, and out the door in time to be early for school;
• have kept dishes washed;
• put out the trash and brought the bins back in before the next day;
• gave the dog a desperately needed bath;
• went without TV for three days;
• got my car serviced;
• got groceries bought - Safeway and Trader Joe's;
• got everyone, including me, bathed every day;
• cut back on coffee (ummm, until this morning);
• attacked my much backlogged email;
• kept the house relatively picked up (that's a damn miracle itself);
• started a new bedtime routine that got Quake asleep without me in bed with him.

And just for a counterpoint, here's what I haven't gotten done this week -

• watching the Oscars (damn it!);
• cooking anything beyond eggs and grilled cheese (oh, we did make a chocolate cake);
• exercise.

Tummy Tuesday - 37 Weeks

3 weeks to go!

Weight gain: 24 pounds
Tummy girth: 47.5 inches (right at belly button)

Apparently eating a diet rich in chocolate is exactly what I needed to put a stop to gaining weight. And now I know why my stomach muscles - what's left of them anyway - hurt so much. I don't even like the feel of my shirts' fabric rubbing against me. But it's not likely I'll be walking around with the ginormous belly hanging out either with all my stretch mark glory.

But I've made it! I am officially a full-term pregnancy now. If things don't start moving in the next week I'll start trying some of those folk remedies. Mostly I'm concerned about not getting a trial of labor; I'll be forced into a c-section at 41 weeks. The frequent contractions come and go, but today they started getting more intense...

I think I may have mentioned here before that my dog, bless her lovely little heart, is a bit strange. When we went to get her more food on Sunday, Monkey Man and I decided to shop for a new pillow to go inside her kennel. The old one had shrunk to half the size of the kennel, and I felt bad that she only had a blanket on the other half.

*Quick aside - who the hell makes a dog bed that's not supposed to be washed? It states clearly on the label to not wash it, which would explain the shrinkage. But really? A dog bed? That can't be washed?*

So we found a large, cheap pillow with a removable and washable cover that's even the right color to fit into our living area. I was so excited. The dog was...less excited. We almost had to carry her into the kennel Sunday night. Monday morning I had to use a leash to force her inside. This morning when I was trying to leave she was still eyeing the thing like it might suddenly jump up and bite her. Because that's happened at least, well, never.

Officially Just a Chaffeur

I lolled about in bed this morning enjoying my cuddle time with preschooler and husband because I assumed the husband would be taking the preschooler to school. He told me yesterday that he'd arranged his schedule to be pretty much 9 - 4 all this week. Apparently in my overwhelming sense of relief and hope I missed him saying, "Except on Monday morning." When I hurried out of bed, cursing the fact that I was now late, he told me I had plenty of time. Because getting Q and myself ready and off to school all by myself for the last two weeks hasn't taught me how much time I need for these activities.

After assuring Q that I would watch him for a few minutes before leaving (he requests this every school morning), I was refused a hug and kiss. Is he really already old enough to not want a display of affection from his momma at school? I thought I had at least another 6 or 7 years! But my heartbreak wasn't over - turns out all my kisses are yucky all the time now. Haven't had a preschooler kiss since lolling in bed this morning...

Took the dog to the vet today. She has some sort of infection in one of her ears that may or may not be related to allergies. When looking up "timid" in the dictionary, you will find a picture of our dog. She is afraid of just about everything. When we walked in the door, she had her tail tucked so far under her butt, she almost couldn't walk. Then she proceeded to shed enough hair to fur a chihuahua. And not one of those tiny ones. At least she doesn't pee when she's terrified - but that's only because she has some sort of OCD thing about not letting anyone see her pee. Or poop. And she'd really rather you pretended you couldn't see her eating, thank you very much.

I guess it all boils down to life returning pretty much to normal around here.