Okapi Dreams

Last night I dreamt of okapis. Seriously. A whole herd of them going through my backyard at dusk. I'd love to tell you that I had recently being reading about this strange creature, but I haven't. No, my mind managed to dredge up this bizarre little tidbit all by itself.

In the West it was once believed that okapis were a mythological creature. Or at least extinct.

So as far as dream interpretation goes, either something once hidden will be revealed, or I'm moving to central Africa.

Friendship Wasted

Don't worry, I won't bore you with the details, but I have to share a dream I had the other night. It was all about an old friend of mine, someone I haven't had contact with in probably 10 years. In the dream we were running around together, just being silly, just being friends. I woke up with mixed emotions; the dream had been great fun, but it made me sad to think about how much I missed this woman.

I spent at least the first few hours of my day absorbed in that sadness. I thought about the last time I had seen her, some of the times we shared, the way that our lives had been intertwined for a period. I even spent an hour or so last year "googling" her to see if I could find out anything that had happened to her recently.

I think it's telling that I describe someone I have had no contact with for a decade as a "friend". This woman cut off most contact with me after I ended a romantic relationship, apparently agreeing with the rest of "our" friends that the only reason she was my friend is because I was dating that certain boy. The little contact we had after that was always initiated by me, and it was always disappointing and frustrating contact for me.

I can't help but wonder why I continued to consider her a friend then. And it certainly makes no sense that I would still consider her a friend now, after all these years. Of course she's not the only person I've felt this way about. I think of anyone I've ever let into my heart as a friend no matter how horribly they've gone on to treat me. In fact, I often secretly wonder what I could have done differently to salvage the relationship.

What a waste.

My life is filled with wonderful people who truly care about me, and I'm spending my precious time fretting about the jerks who used me or discarded me or just generally didn't like me. I'll be 36 next month, and I think it's time to put an end to this wasteful and painful (self inflicted pain - I love that!) bad habit. I'm a little slow, but I seem to be finally catching on.

Dreams of the Dead

The other night I had a dream about my Uncle Billy who has been gone for many years. And for many years prior to that he was confined to a wheelchair and bed, a result of strokes and heart attacks. Turns out eating too much good Southern food, smoking like a chimney, and drinking far too much alcohol on a daily basis isn't all that good for you health. I don't often dream of the dead, and I tend to treasure those few dreams.

My Uncle Billy, aka Fat Man, was a larger than life character to me. He threw his vices around like they were virtues. He cursed freely - then always apologized for doing so but you knew he didn't really mean it. He made big promises I knew he wouldn't keep, but the words themselves made me feel better (he promised me my own white Stetson when I became enamoured of his; he gave me his card and promised to pick me up at the airport in Dallas if I ever need to escape from my parents). My dad's family has produced more than its share of storytellers - a tendency I've inherited but perhaps without the talent - and Billy was the loudest, most outrageous of them all.

In my dream he was talking to my dad, his "baby brother". And when I approached them, he hugged me, told me he'd missed me and loved me. He suggested that we needed to spend more time together. He was himself but perhaps toned down a bit from my childhood memories of him. It was such a little thing, not some big production, but it made me feel happy when I woke up, like maybe, just maybe Uncle Billy is watching out for me. Even if it's only from a perch in my own memory.

Illness update: Took Quake to the doctor Tuesday morning - he has strep throat!

Pregnancy Issues: Coffee suddenly tastes better than my beloved tea. Wtf?