Not So Good With The Chores...

Quake, my 4 year old, put on a pair of boxer shorts to wear as underwear yesterday. He usually wears them as pjs (just add a t-shirt too small to wear in public and you too can have cheap kid's pjs!), but it's not completely bizarre to see him dig out a pair for day-wear. So today I finally started the laundry from our trip to San Diego. Because we've been back for a week now. And I suppose that's long enough.

My child had no. clean. underwear. Bad Mommy! Bad!

Bad news: I'm a bad mommy and my son doesn't want to tell me I'm slackin'.
Good news: My 4 year old is a creative problem solver!

Do you think when he's older I can convince him that I taught by example and not by desperate need?

Glossy Obsessed

I have a wee bit of an obsession with magazines. I'm an avid reader in general, and I just can't resist the snack-sized tidbits in a monthly (or less, I'm not that picky) publication. I also love eye candy. I can go a little crazy at the bookstore, especially when I'm stressed out. This weekend I managed to leave Borders with this pile and $30 less in my pocket.

Does this selection make me look a bit schizoid?

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Why doesn't that crazy woman buy a couple of subscriptions and stop wasting her money at the bookstore?" Or maybe you were thinking about chocolate. Like me. I actually do have a few subscriptions, but I don't always buy the same magazines every month. Not that I do this every month. Not usually.

Having noted that though, I must admit that a few of these titles have been coming home with me on a pretty regular basis. I should fill out those annoying little subscription cards for those. That will free up some precious bookstore time to look for new favorites.

Do you read magazines? Which are your favorites? Are there some you like for a few months and then get bored with? Are there defunct magazines you still miss (I have a gift, a gift, for finding fabulous, new magazines that then go under)? Do you have subscriptions or do you buy at the store? Do you think your choices say anything about your personality (I never buy fashion magazines...)? How long do you keep a magazine? Do you store your favorites, throw all issues away, tear out or mark ideas and stories and pictures you like?

And to think, I haven't even started on the joys of a local resale bookstore that sells used magazines for cheap! A good $30 in there would get me a stack too heavy to carry. My husband would probably make me keep them in the garage.

It's All The Same To Me

I did it! While I was away I carved out time in my schedule to start writing and devoting myself more often to craft projects. I'm also training for a marathon and applying to grad school. And of course we won the lottery too.

Ok, maybe not.

Actually I've spent the last month singing the same refrain as my last post, barely getting through many of my days. But the family has had some milestones. Quake took his first round of swimming lessons and did...swimmingly. He also finished his first year of preschool. Cha Cha started crawling (now I have another reason to get nothing done) and eating solids. My parents drove all the way across Texas and New Mexico to visit us for 3 days, spending more days travelling than visiting but they're weird like that.

I also managed to make doctor's appointments, get the boys' vaccinations up to date (now that was fun!), and start an exercise plan. Which does not include running a marathon just in case you thought I had actually gone off the deep end completely. And I've almost finished the first layout for that scrapbook class I'm taking! Of course today is the start of week 6...

Did I mention here yet that I'm attempting to get through the summer without using my oven? Ok, I've already failed since we had frozen pizza for dinner last night. So I'm trying to get through the summer using my oven very infrequently. I asked my mom for her no-bake cookie recipe because exercise or no, I'll be damned if I'm giving up cookies just because I don't want to turn on the oven. I started to stir them up this morning (when you get up at 4:30 - damn that sweet little Cha Cha - you have all sorts of time to do weird things) but they didn't look like I remembered. Then I tasted them, and I was 7 years old again. Does your mouth have a better memory than your eyes?

Time Is Not On My Side

I am feeling so completely overwhelmed these last few weeks. Nothing new really.

I started this class, Becoming More, over at Big Picture Scrapbooking. The first week has been all about defining my values, yadda, yadda, yadda. It's not like this is a new concept for me; my very first therapist had me read The 10 Natural Laws of Successful Time and Life Management. It's probably unbearably corny, but it actually helped. I bought myself a fancy planner, filled out all the worksheets, and got focused. That year I got re-involved in theater, planned a wedding long distance, and lost 30 pounds. Damn, now that I think about it, maybe I should dig that planner out of storage.

Anyway. Of course I'm realizing that how I'm behaving is not in-line with my values. Because that would make too much sense. If I was happy-warm-and-fuzzy, I probably wouldn't have been drawn to taking this class, now would I? The parenting thing is great. Yes, I need to be "present" more often, but that's a little tweak. The problem is the gaping hole in my life where all my creative pursuits should go.

I want to write, here and in other areas. I want to get some pictures scrapbooked. Oh, oh, oh, and actually, I don't know, edit and order some photos. I'm only 5 months behind. Taking photos would be great too. I also have this stack of craft projects I'd like to try just because I like trying new things. I also have a few canvases that I've been wanting to play with.

On the other hand, I haven't paid the bills (that was supposed to happen last Friday). I seriously need to get some exercise, not only because I'm turning into a cow, but because I feel like crap. And the dog is being seriously neglected. I have doctor's appointments to go to, groceries to buy, cards to send, laundry to wash...sigh. How do I take care of my family and take care of myself?

Annoying Myself for Fun

I'm just having one of those moments in my life, the one where I decide that I hate everything about my life. It happens about every 18 months so I'm due. I hate Tucson, hate the house, hate my parenting, hate being a stay-at-home mom, hate our furniture, hate our summer plans. All of which invariably leads to I.Hate.Me. I'm indulging in all sorts of fantasies revolving around living somewhere else, doing something else, being someone else.

Random annoyance - I've had to look up the spelling on a bizarre numer of words the last few days. Not difficult words or strange words, just regular words that I use all the time.

Up until quite recently Arizona license plates have had the pattern 111-AAA. I have far too much fun coming up with words to fit those last two letters. One of the parents at Quake's school has "MYT". Could be "mighty" or, since it's a Toyota, it could be "my T(oyota)". See? Way too much fun. I once saw "LRG" on a...Hummer. But just last week I saw the plate I should have been issued - WTF. My current life refrain.

The Preschool Pressure

I've been shopping around for a new preschool. What a freakin' nightmare. I'm pretty sure preschool used to be the place you sent your kids to learn not to hit or bite other kids. Now your choice of preschool determines whether or not your child gets into college. Perhaps it's just another symptom of my lazy parenting, but I have some serious doubts about preschool being my child's defining educational moment.

Why not just stay where we are? It's sort of a perfect storm scenario. I really love the theories behind Waldorf - the gentle environment, the focus on natural learning, fostering a love of learning. But frankly, Quake is bored and he doesn't seem to be enjoying himself. The school is also moving to a new, larger facility...that's much further away. Have you seen the gas prices lately? So off I go in search of another school.

Does this process get harder as the kids get older? Because I'm pretty sure I won't be able to handle it. One school was all right, nothing special, but we were a little leary of the Bible stories (neither Monkey Man or me being terribly religious). The director of the next school kept saying they really pushed academics. "We're focused on academics." "It's all about the academics." What the fuck does that mean for a four year old? Lectures? Independent research projects? I'm not claiming to be a genius, but if you can't explain your preschool program to me, maybe you should go back to school.

We both had very high hopes for the third school on the list. It's a full immersion foreign language program, and two of Quake's friends go there. Too bad their director could star in the video, "How NOT to Win Friends and Influence People." I felt the need to defend my decision to send Q to Waldorf, and he insinuated that Q would need to be in a younger class because he'd be behind kids already in the program. He all but sneered at the other schools I told him we were visiting, going so far as to claim that his was one of only three quality programs in town (the other two weren't on my list). But what really annoyed me was how my friends who already send their children there told me lots of things that were different than what he had told me. Apparently I have trust issues.

So I've signed the boy up for the last school we considered. I'd first heard of it 10 years ago when a woman I worked with sent her child there - smart woman, smart child. It was also recommended by a local 1st grade teacher I know. After meeting Quake, the pre-K teacher was confident that he would do just fine in her class even though he hasn't had any academics yet. And even while telling me they didn't believe their program was right for every child, they made Quake and I both feel welcome.

Does it make me a bad parent that I've not based this decision on his preschool being the "best" academically? Am I terrible if I don't care that Quake's not going to be doing calculus or reading in French by this time next year? Will Quake spend years in therapy weeping in rage about how I ruined his future because I didn't send him to the "right" preschool? I'm not usually a gambling sort, but I'll take that bet.

Sushi and Birthday Cake

I'm supposed to be asleep. My mother-in-law took Quake to the store with her so Cha Cha and I could go down for a nap. Cha Cha...not so much into the nap.

Tomorrow Monkey Man and I will be married for 6 years. He's currently packed into a high tech metal tube hurtling itself around the globe and won't even be on the ground again until tomorrow has come and gone. Next year we'll be able to aruge over whether we're married 6 or 7 years.

My mother-in-law came to town Friday evening so Monkey Man and I could get drunk on grain alcohol and eat obscene amounts of raw fish to celebrate. It's a party! I told him during dinner that I still wanted to be a writer (something I've claimed and then abandoned too many times to count). Do you think that means anything? Anything other than I'm obnoxiously long-winded when I'm drunk? As oppossed to when I'm not drunk, and I'm just almost obnoxiously long-winded. Shut up, it's my fantasy.

Cha Cha, the sweet baby, the wonderful, happy baby, decided last night that he doesn't want to take a bottle anymore. So my mother-in-law, she who can "handle any baby, had three of my own, helped raise a few more, was a labor and delivery nurse for over 20 years", was completely worn out by the time we got back last night. I feel bad. But only because I feel just the tiniest bit gleeful at her trauma. Oh, my world has become small and petty, but I'm getting pleasure where I can.

It's a really good thing she's here though. Otherwise I'd be ordering pizza delivery and picking up a generic cake tomorrow morning for Quake's birthday party. And then being glad I had enough paper towels for the pizza since my dishes are all dirty.