Thursday, January 29, 2009

In A Valley

I am in a foul mood today. I thought it was because I was dragged out of bed at 4:45 by Cha-Cha who then went on to cry for an hour because he was in a foul mood too. But then after dropping Quake off at school, Cha-Cha and I both got a great nap. I woke up feeling fantastic. But I'm back to crappy.

I'd just like to say to that hyper-critical voice inside my head that keeps telling me that I'm fat and lazy and basically a joke for a human being..."Shut the Fuck Up!"

I switched meds about 6 weeks ago. Good-bye Zoloft, hello Effexor. It was going really great until this week. Now I'm suddenly feeling dangerously close to that evil edge of despair. Are the drugs not working? Or am I just falling into "comfortable" thought patterns, the way of existing that I'm most familiar with?

Monkey Man has been in California for a trade show this week. Maybe the stress is just getting to me. My mother-in-law was here the last 2 days too. It was nice to have some help, and I really love her, but I have noticed that my self-loathing seems to get worse when I'm around her.

Maybe I just need a long, hot bath and a good cry.