Thursday, December 22, 2011

Really, It Worked

So we're doing Christmas tomorrow morning. We'll be heading to Arizona early on Saturday so we put in a request that Santa come a few days early. He doesn't mind - it shaves a few nanoseconds off his Big Night. But it means I need to be ready to roll tonight. And of course I'm not.

Because I've been busy on Pinterest, damn it!

To be fair I've also been really busy on a new craft project. The idea for which I got at 3:30 yesterday morning and almost had to get out of bed then to start because I was so super excited about it. So I guess that whole sitting quietly with myself and trusting in the process actually worked?

Maybe my word for 2012 should be Believe.

Because 'No Really, Shut Up and Trust It's Gonna Work' is really not in the spirit of picking one word.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

A Folding Inward

I have been paying too much attention to my own floundering moods. Disappointment, resentment, fear, and regret playing a symphony of judgement along my neurons. Depression never allows me "just" a bad day (or more honestly lately, a bad week).

Each day that lurches forward with fatigue or snappishness or just a general sense of blah, needs to be examined for deeper problems. Was it just the late night? Or maybe only holiday stress? Is my blood sugar low? Is it PMS? Do I just need to go for a walk to clear my head? Or take a nap?

Or is it something more serious? Am I in denial about it being more serious? Am I creating something more serious by obsessing?

I have an intuitive sense that this is a resting point, a settling in. And it's my fear of the stillness that's making me a little crazy. In the past I've lamented the warm, sunny days that come with this time of year in the desert because they were in such discord with my own need to fold inward. Now I have my cold, dark days and suddenly fear I will never unfurl again.

So a nap, a cup of something hot, and sitting down with my fear instead of sparring with it.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

An Unexpected Plunge

Thanks go out again to Susannah Conway for pointing out Chris Guillebeau's latest manifesto, The Tower.

After stumbling across Mr. Guillebeau's A Brief Guide to World Domination a few years ago (tell me you're not surprised I was attracted to a site called "The Art of Non-Conformity"), I have flirted with the idea of legacy. Also not surprising? It's just too overwhelming for me.

I'm a scanner. I have ADD. I can rarely decide which short-term project to tackle, much less even think about a legacy. And I rarely finish the projects I do tackle. I mean really, I took a two year "break" from this very blog. My project list never gets shorter, just rearranged. And longer.

Maybe my legacy is some sort of lesson in how not to get things done.

Oh, the irony. I wrote the above last Saturday then logged on this morning to tell you all about how tired I am because I stayed up until midnight playing sudoku. And if you look here, you'll see that wasting time playing with puzzles is the very first thing I ever blogged about!

I guess that's not really irony so much as exactly-what-I-should-expect-of-myself-based-on-past-experience.

On the side of synchronicity or serendipity or I-have-the-attention-span-of-a-goldfish-oh-look-shiny, I cracked open my copy of Refuse to Choose to a random spot yesterday and started reading all about the Sybil cyclical scanners - lots of long-term interests, never finish anything, often restarting the same things. Oh, oh, that's me!

It's such a relief to be recognized.

Look, I know all the blah-de-blah-blah about being an individual and refusing to fit into neat little categories. It's charming and lovely when people surprise us with the complexity of who they are. But I suspect that's only true when just a few things don't quite fit because too much complexity can be disorienting and alienating. My experience of never fitting into any category has been less than charming and rarely lovely. It's been lonely and confusing and often soul-crushing.

That was a tangent I had not expected to take, but there it is.

So, yeah. The book did give me some ideas for how to arrange my projects and my time, and I had every intention of doing some work on that. But then, you know...sudoku. Because...

Because I'm afraid. I'm afraid none of it will work. That I'll once again get all excited only to find myself back in this same place next year, wondering if I'll ever make progress on anything. And I'm afraid it will work. That I'll have time to work on all of my projects, stop wasting time trying to figure out where I left off, only to find that I'm not any good at any of it.   

The Crafty Wonderland

Warning: Rainbows and unicorns ahead...

Ok, it's more like fog and kitschy deer because, well, it's Portland. But you get the idea.

I had the best day.

I managed to sleep until 8:30, a good thing since I didn't go to bed until almost 1am. We went out to breakfast, and I ordered French toast made from cinnamon rolls. After that we went a few blocks to the little downtown/historical part of West Linn to watch the Christmas parade. It was the perfect small town parade - almost as many people in the parade as watching and a good 10 pieces of candy for every kid.

Then after discussing the possibility of buying a new couch tomorrow, I drove up to Portland to spend the afternoon at the Crafty Wonderland. And it was a wonderland.

Over 200 vendors selling every kind of crafty goodness and quirky, crafty Portlanders as far as the eye could see.

Speaking of seeing...I have never seen so many vintage frames! It's just too bad most of the wearers seemed to have just slapped on the first pair they found instead of waiting to find ones that actually look good on them.

Here's a quick list of the loot I got (as well as a shout-out to the vendors):

1. This crewel embroidery kit (in the green, pink, and turquoise) from Tako Fibers
2. A gorgeous chartreuse leather bracelet (for a steal!) from Sweet Rhubarb
3. An adorable onsie with an appliqued tie from Pearly Grey to give my newest nephew for Christmas
4. Happy pill magnets from Bishop Art (because I think it's obvious I need all the happy pills I can get)

I wish I had endless money to spend because so many more of the artists and crafters blew me away. Please check out the vendor list on the Crafty Wonderland site for lots of lovely shopping!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

I Joined Pinterest

Have you heard about Pinterest? It's my new crack.

As you know, I read way too many blogs. What you may not know is that I also regularly comb through shopping sites. I'm always saving photos and project directions to be looked at later, and it eats up my computer memory. Plus I usually forget where I got the information so I end up not being able to link back or find important details later. Now if I were smarter, I would have thought maybe other people had the same issue and created a super cool website that would do all that stuff for us. 

Well someone was smart enough to figure all that out, and now Pinterest has swept through the blogosphere and made addicts of so many of us. Yippee!

Here's a link to my Pinterest page. It's not very comprehensive. Yet. You can check back later using the link on the right.

You might also notice that I've added two options for subscribing to this blog. You can subscribe to a feed that will update you with new posts, or you can choose to have new posts sent to your email. All about the options...

Monday, December 5, 2011

Catching Up with the Naughty Monkey

I've been behind in my blog reading since the Thanksgiving trip to Texas to visit my family. My parents don't have Wifi, and I try to keep up with just shy of a zillion blogs - like you care. And like I need an excuse because let's face it, I'm always behind for some reason. But that's why I just read this post over at Emily Nagoski's Sex Nerd blog (yes, "sex nerd", and it's totally worth your time to poke about a bit in her blog because it's ah-mazing) about treating the body part of your not-really-two-separate-entities-but-just-go-with-it mind/body like it's your pet monkey.

I think I'll call mine George.

Do I really need to tell you that I spent the rest of the evening scolding my naughty little monkey (inside my head) and cracking myself up so much that my husband asked me what I was laughing at? I just let him think I was crazy, as usual, because even I realized that if I told him this, he would think I wiped out the wine fridge. Which is why I'm sharing it with you.

Then I remembered that my mind can also act like a monkey, a concept I was introduced to while reading this book during a writing workshop way back in my early college days. During which, I might add, I showed some promise as a writer. Explaining why I then promptly gave up writing. Turns out my monkeys would rather throw poo.

Which all leads to the obvious question - if the body can be a monkey and the mind can be a monkey, then who the frack* is in charge around here?

* Yes, I have been watching Battlestar Galactica, obsessively. Yes, I am late to the party. Yes, it still rocks.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

The One Where I Might Become A Grown Up

So get this - I helped with Thanksgiving dinner this year. No, really! I made the coconut cream pie filling (and not just the pudding-in-a-box kind), I peeled and sliced sweet and regular potatoes, I stirred and whipped and put in and pulled out every single thing that needed a stint in the oven. It sure beat my contribution last year. Which I thought I blogged about. But apparently didn't. Let's just say I was inordinately proud of myself for not killing someone when I got yelled at for putting the ice in the cups the wrong way. Yes, I said, "Ice. Cups. WRONG." That's the price one pays for having a smarty-pants daughter who's too big for her britches - a 38 year old woman who didn't even know there was a right way to put ice in the cups.

Apparently I've gotten a bit more useful in the past year.

Of course it's only because my mom has a frozen shoulder and is in lots of pain and was therefore physically unable to do the work I was assigned to. And I'm pretty sure I wasn't her first choice for pinch hitter. But she was forced to work with what she had because there was no one else. Which kind of makes this like getting 1st place in some school contest because no one else signed up to compete.

If you think that makes this step into adulthood feel like a hollow victory... you're wrong. It still feels awesome!

Got a text from a friend yesterday morning asking if I wanted to have lunch while Cha Cha was at preschool. We met an adorable Moroccan restaurant, and OMGHAVEIMENTIONEDHOWMUCHILOVELIVINGHERE!

Holy crappola. At this rate I might start blogging about rainbows and unicorns.