Tuesday, April 10, 2007

How to Cure Morning Sickness

  • Put saltines on bedside table to eat before getting out of bed. Wake up at 4am to the sound of your overweight cat eating the crackers for you. Curse cat; get out of bed to vomit.
  • Eat an apple after the morning bile purge. Repeat on subsequent days as this seems to help. Vomit apple on subsequent days.
  • Drink the usual morning cup of black tea. Vomit. Drink ginger tea. Vomit. Drink cinnamon tea. Vomit. Give up drinking anything hot. Mourn bitterly.
  • Drink milk over ice despite having always hated milk. After a few days begin to vomit up the milk.
  • Eat pickle after pickle. Eat at least one more pickle than you can safely keep down before realizing you've done so.
  • Eat whatever you want. Decide to not care that you will vomit 20 minutes later.
  • Contemplate spending $20/day for a drug that will stop the madness if your insurance refuses to pay for it.

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