Crazy? Probably

Am I the only person who thinks breastfed newborn poop smells vaguely of buttered popcorn?

I'm Back

Apparently all I needed to do was write a post detailing all my self-pitying feelings - I went into labor early on the morning of November 8th. Cha-Cha came into the world at 8:21 pm, Thursday, November 8th. He weighed 8 lbs 9 oz and was 21 inches long. And much to my delighted surprise, he managed to enter the world in the usual way instead of requiring surgery on my part.

I've attempted to sit down and blog at least a dozen times, and the only reason I'm managing now is because I've resigned myself to typing with 1 hand. I'd love to share more details of my successful VBAC, but that is too long a story for one handed typing. All of which is starting to sound much more sexual than intended...

I will say that recovery from vaginal birth is hundreds of times easier than recovery from being sectioned. I know there are strong opinions on the many sides of this issue, and I will refrain from getting involved in that discussion for now, but I do know for sure that there is no comparison between the recoveries.

Also, being drugged for depression before being post partum? Highly recommended for those who need it. Moments of hopelessness - usually revolving around Cha-Cha nursing for what feels like hours - but no yawning abyss of despair. Perhaps not being full of morphine and vicodin helps as well?

I even started walking again yesterday! Not too long or fast, but it's a start. One I probably could have started a week ago. And speaking of those moments of hopelessness, I always forget how healing fresh air, sunshine, and exercise can be. Especially cool, crisp, autumn (finally dammit) air.

No, Not Yet

It occurred to me that some of you might think I've had this baby since I haven't been updating. But alas, no. I also haven't weighed myself or measured my belly mostly because I'm in denial about this huge thing I have growing and growing and growing inside me. I'm also completely exhausted.

But just to give you an idea of how large I've gotten...

1. The nurses and midwives cannot hide their shock and always offer lots of sympathy.
2. A man at McDonald's last week turned abruptly and almost collided with the belly. "Whoa!" he said, in utter shock. "Sorry, I didn't see that." Other complete strangers that witnessed this couldn't help but laugh.
3. A new cashier at the grocery store asked me when I was due...while checking his watch.

I actually had a vaginal yesterday. My cervix is soft (the midwife could feel Cha-Cha's head!) but it hasn't dropped enough to even consider stripping my membranes. I have been taking black cohosh, which I might add is nasty, and I started evening primrose oil yesterday as well. Needless to say I'm a little depressed about my lack of progress since I'm having very frequent contractions that have been strong enough to wake me up some nights.

Now Monkey Man and I are starting to have serious conversations about when to schedule a c-section. They'll only let me try to labor until the 20th, and I'm not sure I want to spend Thanksgiving in the hospital. Meaning I need to schedule a c-section for a few days before that, meaning I won't get my full time to try going into labor, meaning I may never get my chance at the vaginal birth that I want.

I've been fighting a lot of resistance to having a VBAC in the first place, and now I feel as if it may have all been for nothing. Can't imagine why I'm feeling down...

On the plus side, Monkey Man has been taking Quake to school this week and picking him up and working from home in the afternoons. It's been fabulous to get a little extra sleep and generally just not have to do anything in the mornings. I have to enjoy it now because no matter what, it will all be over in a week or so.