Tuesday, February 21, 2012

One Dumb Thing I Used To Believe

Have you heard of that thing where you let an idea burble around in your head for awhile and then suddenly you're making progress on that idea without even thinking too much about it? Turns out there might be something to that. Who knew? While going through my email this morning I find myself jumping at the chance to include myself in Danielle LaPorte's Burning Question Series, already composing an answer in my head and saving the button for my sidebar without even once thinking that I was not good enough to join in.

And the thought of complete strangers ending up here reading my little blog? Totally exciting and not scary at all!

OK, that's a lie. It completely scares the crap out of me.

But I'm doing it anyway! Because this is the fear that will lead me forward...

What's one dumb thing I used to believe?

I believed (for a dreadfully long time) that there was something irrevocably broken in me. I knew, intellectually, that I was incredibly privileged so my depression and my failure to fit in had to be symptoms of something truly disgusting and sick and craven. I believed I deserved the pain I lived with.

Now I know, in my heart as well as my head, that I have always been whole. When I was told that certain parts of me were unacceptable, it was the person judging me who had the problem, not me. Now I believe that accepting and loving all the pieces of my sometimes strange and sad self makes me stronger and happier than I've ever been.

No comments: